


second nature

by sinceregalaxy



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Do you ever wish you could actually write detailed stories?, F/M, Mind Meld
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 12:47:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9821111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinceregalaxy/pseuds/sinceregalaxy
Summary: "Didn't you volunteer for this?" he replies, and the confusion is so clear on his face, so honest, that he really must not know."In a way," she retorts. There's no use telling him the truth. He'll know in a few moments anyway. He'll know everything.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I watched Pacific Rim yesterday and this happened. Not a Pacific Rim AU though. Sorry.

_We could've had it all a world of our own. I never thought we could be pistols at dawn._

:::::

The sedative courses through her veins as a man pushes her on a stretcher through the corridors of the rebel base. She wants to run. Wants to rip the restraints from around her wrists and kill every one of these bastards. Wants to get on a ship and get far away from the stranger they're going to put in her head.

The drugs keep her still, but it's doesn't stop her from glaring at every droid, soldier, and medical technician she passes.

The man pushing her stops at a door, and he punches in a code before wheeling her into the corner of a room. The walls are white, and the stench of disinfectant sits heavily in her nostrils.

There's another man, this one also strapped to a stretcher. His hair is dark and disheveled. His eyes are hard and set on her. He must sense her discomfort, though it wouldn't be hard to. He asks quietly, "Why are you afraid?"

She snorts and rolls her eyes. "I'm not _afraid_ of anything. Just angry."

"Didn't you volunteer for this?" he replies, and the confusion is so clear on his face, so honest, that he really must not know.

"In a way," she retorts. There's no use telling him the truth. He'll know in a few moments anyway. He'll know everything.

The rest happens too fast. A technician starts sticking wires to her forehead. A droid pumps more drugs into her body. A machine is wheeled in, making loud and terrible noises. All the while, she can feel every fiber of her being screaming out _no no no no no_.

She sees him across from her, wearing the same wires. His hands are clasped tightly in his lap, and his eyes stare blankly down at them. She shuts her own. She hears a technician flip the switch, and she is no longer alone.

_Home. Mom. Dad. Sisters. Happy. Young and happy. Then smoke and fire and blood. A rough hand pulling a small one along. Friends, but the smoke and fire and blood never stop. Wires and cool gray metal and luminescent eyes that haven't gone out yet. A hundred faces, a hundred names, a hundred dead at the same hands. A heart ripped apart by war again and again and again..._

She opens her eyes and sits up quickly. She finds him sitting across from her, his eyes still hard but almost tinged with a hint of anger.

 _Cassian_ , she hears, or thinks. She isn't quite sure. _My name is Cassian_.

I know, she says back, and she does. She knows him just like she knows how her mother died in a field of green next to a stark white uniform. Like she knows the light pressure of her necklace at her chest. Like she knows the soft timbre of her father's voice calling her stardust. Like she knows how to kill five men with a stick and a piece of cable. Like she knows how it feels to be left alone at sixteen. Like she knows she was brought here so the rebellion could find her two fathers.

And now, he knows all of that too.

 _This isn't right_ , Cassian says. _You should have been given a choice_.

 _It's better than prison_ , she shoots back.

:::::

She hears everything he thinks or says in the days prior. She is automatically given equal rank as captain, since she's privy to every meeting he goes to anyway. They're being sent on a mission, indefinitely, to find the whereabouts of Saw Gerrera.

She meets Cassian's droid when she boards his ship, and he does not hesitate to tell her what a bad idea it was for Cassian to merge with her.

"You're going to get him killed," K-2SO states plainly.

 _Don't listen to him_ , Cassian says as he brushes past her to get to the cockpit. _He's just jealous_.

_What, the rebellion hasn't figured out how to merge someone with a computer program?_

A ghost of a smile touched his lips. _Even if they did, do you think I'd want him in my head all the time?_

 _You would live. You're tolerating me aren't you?_ she teases.

_You are not as bad as you think you are._

She wonders briefly if it's possible to know your partner better than you know yourself.

"Hold on," Kay says, and if droids could look affronted, he did. "You are not going having those unnatural mind conversations in my presence."

:::::

She's encountered the rumors about the merging experiments conducted by the Rebel Alliance for years. She doesn't quite understand _why_ until she works with Cassian.

It's simultaneously the most beautiful and most painful thing she's ever experienced.

When her adrenaline starts pumping and her heart beat increases, they aren't just communicating telepathically anymore. It's like they are one consciousness in control of two bodies. When he determines what to say to wheedle information from a contact, she is already saying it. When she sees a stormtrooper approaching him from behind, he's already turning and aiming. It's sets of eyes, two sets of ears, two sets of hands, and one brain. She has never felt so tuned in to another person. She has never felt such an intense feeling of belonging.

It isn't all good; she can feel it all. She feels his fear when a mission goes awry. She feels his grief and self-hatred when he has to put a blaster to another's head. She feels his pain when he is injured. She feels is worry when she is captured.

Sometimes, she stops long enough to watch the death and destruction they leave in their wake. She hates herself for taking pride in it, and she knows he does too.

They are a weapon, as fierce as any AT-AT or TIE Fighter or turret cannon or anything her father might be building.

One night, outside their ship, she grips him by the shoulders, shaking with deep sobs.

 _How are we any better?_ she asks him. He wraps his arms around her, and cradles her head in his gentle hand.

 _We just have to hope that we are_. Her tears dry on his shoulder listening to him think about how beautiful she is, even when she cries.

:::::

They arrive back at the ship, and she knows he's angry. He powers down K-2SO, despite a passionate protest and turns to her. "What the hell were you thinking?" he seethes, and that's how she knows he's _really_ angry. They never speak aloud in private.

"I saved your life," she she shouts back. "Most would be grateful."

"That wasn't how _we_ wanted to do it."

And that is true. They had made a collective decision, one that would ensure mission success, but Cassian's chances of survival were slim to none, K-2SO told her so. So she acted against their shared consciousness, and put herself in danger to save him.

"What did you want me to do, Cassian? Let you die?"

He takes two steps and invades her space. His hair lightly brushes her forehead. His words fall on her skin in the worst kind of way.

"Yes. Better you than me."

She is fuming now. Her fingers latch into his shirt collar and she brings him in even closer. "What makes you think I'm more yours than you are mine?"

His eyes stare intently into hers, and she listens to his mind as the fire begins to leave his eyes.

"I can't lose you now, not after all of this."

She nods ever so slightly. "Neither can I," and then she closes the last of the distance between them.

She is consumed by his mouth on hers. His hands in her hair and on her hips. The way his mind caresses hers in the most gentle way. She barely notices being pressed into a mattress, or her clothes being removed. This is so much more than partnership, affection, or passion. They are _everything_.

And his voice sounds so, so good speaking her name.

::::

The next week passes all too quickly. They finally see Saw and Galen. They find new friends. They fight and make amends. They disobey orders and help save the galaxy. And now it's just the two of them in the sand, a bright light growing on the horizon.

"You're father would be proud," he says to her out loud, and she hugs him, pulls him in as close as she can.

"I want you to know, that I love you." she whispers to him, even though he already knows. She watches the light come towards them. "And I think I would love you even if you weren't forcibly dumped into my head."

He laughs quietly and says "I love you, too," even thought she already knows.

_I love you._

That thought pulses through them, in time with their heart beats.

_I love you._

His hand tightens around her.

_I love you._

Her eyes are wide open, and she feels at peace being him, and him being her.

_I love-_

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this. If I had the mental capacity to write more than a oneshot I would literally turn this into a multichapter, angsty, slow burn monster of a fic. Alas I am a better reader than writer. Feel free to use this idea to write something better and then hit me up so I can read it. Let me know what ya think in the comments, I live for validation. Give me a follow on tumblr dot com @sinceregalaxy.


End file.
